Jump (Pt.1 of Chapter 1)
I’m dying. But we all are only thing is, im dying a little quicker than the rest of you. See when I was born I had this neurological disorder called epilepsy, which is like seizures for those of you who don’t know. I’ve already died from it once before when I was little but that’s the past and honestly who cares about it. Well loads of us do so touché on that. With my epileptic case, I was a complete mystery to the doctors. I had over 15 different kinds of it and was on numerous amount of medications just to find the right one that MIGHT cure it. Eventually we found it and it did cure it. But even though it was cured, I still had a very high chance that it would come back. For the longest time I was fine, and I actually started to feel like a normal kid again. I could go out and play and I could get into trouble like every normal kid out there. My parents were still worried about me but eventually I think they just suppressed the haunting memories of me. Life went on and it was good for the most part. I laughed, I cried, I loved, I hurt and badly for that matter, and I just lived.
Up until a few months ago things seemed completely fine with me. Until. My epileptic events came back and this time almost worse than ever. I crashed my car, I got lost while on the freeway and can’t even remember how I got to where I was. In my sleep I remember thrashing around and vibrating and having my dreams get all messed up and not even remember what it was I was dreaming about. My mind would try to piece things together just to keep me from freaking out and accepting the realization of what really happened. I feel myself slipping away faster and faster every day but the saddest part is, I want it to come sooner. Why I’m so anxious to die I have no clue. Maybe it’s because I’ll finally be in a place where I’m always happy, fully relaxed, and just at utter peace. Or maybe it’s just because for once I’ll be happy to be alone. We’re all going to die alone, but live alone in the afterlife? Who knows? The only thing that I know, is that I can’t wait for the day to come to where my eyes won’t ever open up again. The reason why I feel this way and want this to happen, is because people never know what they have until it’s gone. I am always taken for granted, used, and trampled all over all the time. Quite frankly I’m tired of it, but it doesn’t even matter if I try to speak up for myself, no one ever listens any ways. No one cares about who exists in this world the only thing people care about is themselves. It’s sad when you think about it cause you know it’s true.
The only thing I’ve ever wanted was just for someone to genuinely care. To care about me, care about others, and care about themselves but others came first before them. But finding that in someone is rare and usually unusual. The process of dying is slow and usually painful if you really think about it. But at the point to when death comes to take you away there is no more pain its only sleep and peace. Why were all so afraid to sleep beats me I would think people would want that. Who wouldn’t want to go into a deep relaxing sleep for a while, cause that’s all death really is, just a deep sleep. I want to sleep, I’m so very tired of being awake and I just want everything to start over. Move onto tomorrow and leave yesterday behind to dissolve in the past along with everything else. I don’t know how much longer I can’t last, the world calls out my name to play when all I want to do is sleep. Maybe tomorrow is coming sooner than I think. But tomorrow will never come because it will always be today. That’s how you know were in hell. Told you were all going to hell. But for now it’s time to rest, and I pray that when I wake up, tomorrow has come and all of you are gone, finding each other once again and starting from the beginning. A true fresh start.