Life.Love.Happiness.

                Its funny how one event can change your life forever. I’ve never really believed in the saying everything happens for a reason because sometimes things just happen and there is no reason behind it or after it. The year is coming to a close fast and with it all the bad is coming for some still, but for others it has already passed and now is just a time for remembrance until the start of a beautiful new year probably one of the best years that is ever going to happen. We can all feel it but only few can see it. We’re ¾ of the way into the dark tunnel and we can already see the light coming from the other end. It gives us hope, it gives us something to still fight for and gives us that last chance to make the wrongs right. In a way its saddening because I know what that means, but at the same time it makes me happy because I know she’ll be happy. I was never meant to be happy as sad as that sounds but really it isn’t. Happiness never last forever, it’s the emotion form of adrenalin, last only for a few moments but in those moments your superman. You find yourself being able to do things that you wouldn’t normally be able to do, you find the courage that you didn’t think you had, because in those few moments of your life the world stops spinning and everything becomes crystal clear and you can finally see everything. Truth is, I don’t need to be happy, im at peace with myself and if being at peace means that I cant ever hold on to happiness then im ok with that because at least I’ll be able to know what it is to be one with yourself.

                I’ve seen everything that I needed to see because I’ve had the privilege on having the ability to slow my world down and see what lies behind the blurs. I saw u, I saw my future, and I saw who I am as a person. If only I could share with you guys the things that I have seen and the things that I continue to see. We go through so many changes but it seems as if I’ve never changed only grown up throughout the years. I’ve come to understand things that others cant not that their supposed to its just that its not their time yet TO understand it. I guess you could say this is my way of telling you that im giving up, not on what’s in my heart, but on the things that just don’t matter anymore. You can always tell when that point in your life is coming. Things slowly start to fade and life seems to start telling you its meaning. You begin to see the things that you’ve been missing and it makes you feel a bit shocked, a bit scared, and a slight hint of happiness. With every breath that you take you feel the warmth and crispness of the air that is filled with joy. Your at peace. Each time you close your eyes you see nothing but beauty and when you open your eyes again it still stays there.  Your whole mood and mind set starts to change. You never find yourself cold any more only warm and no matter where you are or what your looking at, your still at that one place that has never left your heart, that one image that changed you forever, the day you saw true natural beauty. For most that image is a sunset but the location is key too. If you take the time to think about this one a sunset can make anything beautiful. You watch it from a junk yard makes the junk yard seem beautiful. You watch it from a slum makes it seem like the most beautiful city in the whole world. Best explanation of this, it is the only time we ever open up our eyes and actually see for the first time, take a look at the REAL world not the one that we create in our minds.

                Learn to see sunsets all the time and there is no more need for sorrow and sadness in your life. And there isn’t happiness there either, there is only peace. I warn you though, this path is not meant for everyone. Many have taken it but only few have completed it, and there is no way to prepare or train for it. 

                While the world around you starts to fall apart, you see everyone around you doing great not even realizing what is happening to them while YOU, you see from the reflections of the glass shards at what you’ve become. Musicianship puts you through a lot. The moment when everyone stops believing in you and you start to learn that you have to do it all on your own is the hardest challenge we all face. Some decide to finally back down and give up because it is hard and it takes a lot out on a person. You must have a strong will power and mind and soul to accomplish what you want, to accomplish your dreams. It will always show you what is there but first you have to make the move, go with the punches and fight back with everything you have in order to get those things. You have to learn to stand up for yourself know what’s right from wrong and follow your heart, because in the end, it’ll always lead you to where you need to be.

                How do I change my world without changing me? You can’t. Truth is, is that your world is always changing with you and its always growing just as you are. Best way to change that is to become at peace with yourself. Accept who YOU are not who others want you to be. I mean ya, its good to clean yourself up a bit but that doesn’t mean you have to be this completely new and different person. No. Always stay true to who you are but with that just try to be more presentable. You have to learn to discover who you are as a person before things in your life start to take change for the better and I know that sounds crazy but its true because remember that your dreams will always be there but in order to accomplish them or make the first move to get them you must find yourself first. That’s how to take the first step to changing the world. YOUR world.

                I always wonder why life is so unexpected. Why right when everything seems good it throws a curve ball at you and strikes you out. You meet someone amazing and the next thing you know they disappear and vanish like they were never in your life in the first place. You let go and gain the strength to move on but no matter what you still love them. You still hold on to them waiting for them to finally see you.  When you let them go your never really sad but you aren’t happy either. You seem to be at peace in a weird way. The fact that you know and understand what is there is what keeps you from falling down. You can always say I love you but it can mean nothing. Love and like get confused a lot same thing goes for lust. When you love someone there is a bond there that is almost natural and things between the two of you come with ease. Being IN love with someone is once in a lifetime and it takes forever to get there. Most people don’t make it. They keep searching and searching to find the one that makes them whole, that makes their problems just drift away, makes time stop in time, and turns darkness into light. But at this age people are too stupid and naïve to realize what they have right in front of them. We fail to look on the outside of someone rather that what is inside of them, their true selves. We’re so quick to judge when all anyone wants in this world is just a chance. There is a path that we were shown when were little but few of us took it because it looked so plain and boring and also quite difficult. The name of the path was “Don’t Judge A Book By Its Cover” as dumb as it sounds but yes its true. Those few people who took that path saw the world for how it truly was. They saw a world without fear, a world without hate and poverty, a world filled with endless beauties. A world filled with paths to true happiness.

                I can find beauty in the most randomest places and people look at me and think, “Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell are you seeing?!” I see the world as it is, not the one that is covered by a blanket. Being able to do that allows me to understand the impossible, answer the unanswerable, and feel what others can’t. I don’t live my life in fear anymore because there really isn’t anything to fear when every path that you take just leads you to happiness in one way or another. I love this girl and I know the path that I’m on will lead me to her, but as of right now I took a detour mainly because I thought it would get me to her faster. Sadly no. But I realized that I need to stop trying to rush things into place stop trying to finish the race by taking shortcuts and detours. Because those shortcuts that you take lead to paths that are full of misguidance and trickery. But no matter what you go through remember the path that you are on. Let your heart be your compass and guide you to the one that will take you home. Learn to realize this and you start to become at peace with yourself. Problems slowly start to not matter anymore and you find yourself laughing at nothing just at the fact of sheer joy and happiness. Even when the bombs start to fall you’ll never be afraid because you know what you have. You have each other, and with that you have love. Nothing can stand your way not all the hate in the world or even the sadness and broken hearts. You stay strong because of what you see, you don’t see all the bullshit that people try to throw at you and bring you down with. Who the fuck are they to tell you what you can and can’t do, see or not see, hear and not hear. Your life isn’t theirs and as much as u try to help them understand and bring them into yours they still will never have YOUR life or anyone else’s for that matter, they’ll only have their own.

                My mind is in a constant battle with itself. Its always trying to find the answers to everything when it already found its greatest answer. It learned and found how to let go. But there’s only one problem, its my heart that doesn’t want to let go. I’m still trying to find the answer as is to why, why cant it ever seem to let go? Is it because there was no one there to begin with or because what was there was ripped out of me? I’m never hurting from it it just bugs the hell out of me as to why I cant ever let someone go from me. But at the same time I also know the answer to that one but the answer I got didn’t seem good enough. It still left a lot unanswered, most of which I wouldn’t even be able to think of how to put into a question but still they sit up there in my mind torturing it. I still remember the day that a person who was just as lost and confused as I was came back into my life and healed my heart. She took me in bandaged my wounds smiled at me at and had me be on my way. I am forever grateful to that person. But the one thing that is killing me inside is why couldn’t I have done the same for her? Why would she do all that for me but say it was nothing? I kept finding myself going back to the door and see if she would answer. She never did. I looked through the window and saw her crying on the floor. I was stuck between knocking on the door and staying or minding my own business and just leave. To this day I still stand outside that door debating whether or not I should knock. How could I just leave like that after what she did for me.

                I cant let her go, I cant just let her sit there and suffer any longer. Its finally time she got loved back in return…I do love her. Im sorry but if what she did for me wasn’t love then I don’t know what else to call it. A person can only take on so much before they finally give up, and this is the one life im willing to save, not to repay her for what she’s done but for the mere fact that I do love her. I knock on the door and stand strong stay my ground and wait for that door to open. So here I wait for you, till you open that door and I pull you close to me and kiss you. We look into each others eyes and smile as you close and lock the door behind us, warm inside your home we stay forever. 

Music. Probably one of the most misunderstood things in the world. There are only a few in the world who truly understand it but only because they finally listened. Music talks. It tells stories of what happened to the heart and soul rather than the mind. True musicians understand this and you can hear it in their music as well. Musicians are the most misunderstood people in the world based on the fact that no one wants to take the time to listen to them. Were lonely. Only problems is is that we’ve lost our way of knowing how to talk to people because we learn a language that not many can speak or understand. We become freaks and weirdos to those around us and it forces us to just stay away. We learn not to trust anyone any more and become so lost in our music that thats the only thing that we see hear and feel. Everything else just fades away. But we are strong. We learn to live a life without people and see the world in a whole new beautiful way. We see true natural beauty and we learn how to create it. Once you get lost in it its not even you playing any more you don’t even realize what your creating, you just do it. 

The images and feeling that you get from it almost seem surreal. It takes you to worlds unimagined. In those worlds there is no fear, there is no hate, there is no sadness, there is just you and you alone and you are left to do what you please. Creating Cities, life, personalities, anything that you want because music doesn’t just become a piece of artwork, it becomes you and you become music. Now think about that one for a minute. If you had the power to create a place to where you had everything that you wanted, a world as you would want it to be, would you want to come back to this one? Our minds take us places that we wish and dream we could share with others. Fact is, is that the world will always change and no ones world will be exactly the same. When you get lost in music and you become music that world that you created comes real. The world that we live in and exists becomes non existent. People literally fade away and sounds turn into beauty. Colours form with one another to create ones that are almost alien to us. You discover that the world you created is the world only difference now is that you finally opened up your ears and eyes.

We never want to understand one another not that we care to, but were afraid to. Were afraid to see who a person truly as they are rather than the mask that they put on for everyone else. It always leads to misjudgment and misinterpretation of a person. But we do it as a protective mechanism so that way WERE not the ones getting hurt. You close your heart and lock it away so that way it becomes imposable to find. But you lock it away at the wrong time and it causes you to lose the best things that could ever happen to you. It was right there in your hand but you couldn’t find right place to set it down, you couldn’t find your heart.

At the time when we think back on that person and finally understand them, its always too late. They become a statue in time and lifeless to you. And no matter how much you try, their gone forever. You start to look around you and notice all the other statues that stand with them and think, “shit…where did i go wrong.” Fact is, you never went wrong anywhere. Those statues are just those who gave up on people, gave up on trying to make people understand because they finally just saw no point to it anymore. So they dropped the world and left it behind them and became at peace.

I find it funny how whenever we think we lose someone that their gone forever. Truth is, is that the people who never come back are the ones who never loved you in the first place. And right at the moment when you give up on everything and love itself, it finds you and takes your hand. Smiles down at you and takes you away. Music did that for me. All im waiting for now is for that person to grab my hand and have me take them away. All i see is you and music.

Fact: 80% of you will just see this post and just skim through this part, 15% wont even bother reading it, while only 5% will actually take the time to sit and read what this is all about. Well congrats to that 5% because you just helped yourself towards self/inner enlightenment. Here’s how it all starts. I give u a problem like 2x=(5b(72-8)+2^5(3.14)-285^-35+x^3b^-5, its gonna take you a long time before you THINK you’ve found the answer. Never did it say solve for X or anything of that matter it was just a problem on a piece of paper and all it said was solve. Basic instinct tells you to solve for X because thats the way we train our minds to think. Want to know the answer to that problem? It’s 2x. Because when i gave you the problem and said solve you instantly went to the problem of the question and tried to figure it out rather than just looking straight at the solution. There’s nothing wrong with that, most people tend to not see the answers that lie right in front of them these days. Take the problem out of an equation or question that someone gives you and what are you left with, the answer.

People all the time are trying to figure out their own problems and can never seem to find the right answers. When in reality their answers are simply right in front of them. To all the questions that you have, the answers lie within yourself. But in order to find those answers you must learn how to become one with yourself and look deep in to your heart and soul and free your mind. Much easier said than done though. It’s not like just one day your going to sit down have a talk with yourself and POOF all your questions are answered. No. Because either way your still going to be looking at the problem rather than the answer, its how our minds work. Its very difficult to try and reverse that process. Most cases it leads to people who become stress freaks because they start to overthink things wayyy to much. Sadly i was one of those people for a while until i learned the greatest thing in the world, and that was to let the world go. Once you let the world go and everything with it, all thats left between you is just you and what you want most out of anything in your life. Letting go of everything is scary and risky, but sometimes taking a risk can lead you into the right direction. The sooner you start to learn how to let it all go, the sooner you get to stop seeing the problem and just the solution.

The main point of all of that was to try to help you better understand these next few parts because here’s where things start to get tricky. I’m a very strange individual, it seems like i don’t make much sense when really everything that i say makes perfect sense. Only problem is, is that i’m not a very logical person to those THINK they know me. Then how do you get to know me? Simple. To get to know me, is not to know me at all. Sounds depressing but those who have taken the time and effort to listen to what I tell them and actually spend time and see who i am will know what that means 100%. Finding the answer to who i am is a very difficult and long process, mainly because of me being a musician. Now most would say, “Well what does that have to do with anything?” Musicians, true musicians, are never who they seem to be. They are very lonely people due to the fact that they are around their instruments almost 24/7. Music doesn’t become something that they get obsessed with, they become music. It becomes their only way to subconsciously tell people about the things they experienced and share their wisdom. Who here hasn’t heard a song that has one way or another touched and changed their lives or has had some sort of weird connection to a song that is unexplainable? I know I have.

Even though musicians may be very lonely, we are very strong spirited because we learn to see the world in a different way and through that nothing can really harm us. Music in my point of view doesn’t need lyrics, it never did. Music comes from the heart and soul not from the mind. I always tell people that every piece of music has a story to it, but only those who truly understand music will agree to that. Yes the lyrics tell a story, ok then how do u still get a story out of a song with out lyrics? You listen for once in your life. If you listen then understanding becomes that much easier. Thats all I’ve ever wanted people to learn was just to listen and see past all the bullshit. For some its too late for that, but there are some out there who still have hope, who still have time to change. Don’t ever forget that you still have the choice in which path you want to take. Read all of this again and you will be one of the few who truly know me. Your path towards enlightenment starts, Now.

A long time ago a lone wolf sat on the forest floor watching the other animals mingle. He longed for someone to talk to so he won’t be so lonely. Many animals have tried to talk to Wolf but his demeanor frightened them away. In the sky the Gods could see that Wolf was struggling. “That poor creature. He needs a companion” said the Moon Goddess, “Glad you volunteered!” shouted the Water God with a mischievous grin.

That night as Wolf was trying to fall asleep a soft sweet voice reached his ears. “Young Wolf, you seem very lonesome.” She said while staring down at Wolf. “Who are you?” asked Wolf while looking around himself ready to strike. “I do not intend to harm you. I am here to become a companion for you.” Replied the Moon Goddess with a soft smile on her face. Wolf looked up in surprised and saw the Moon Goddess shining brightly in the sky. “I am the Moon Goddess. I came to become a friend to you young Wolf.” she said with a serene smile on her delicate face. Wolf could not be any happier than he was at the moment, a single tear rolled down his face as he smiled the widest he can. “Thank you! Oh thank you!” he cried joyously. Since then he could not wait until night fell and the Moon Goddess came to talk to him.

As time passed Wolf and the Moon Goddess grew closer and closer. One evening Wolf was walking with the Moon Goddess told her one of his goals in life. “My goal before I die,” said Wolf “is to sing you a song.” He said with a shy smile on his face. The Moon Goddess was extremely flattered by his words that she started to blush. As the Moon Goddess was ready to depart for the night Wolf said something that shocked and left her in amazement. “Moon Goddess,” he started “I have grown very close to you and I want to be with you forever. Will you be my bride?” he asked as his glowing golden eyes stared into her own. The Moon Goddess was speechless and after a few moments she nodded her head.

The next night the Moon Goddess took Wolf into the sky to meet Chief God and talk about the marriage proposal. “Moon Goddess! Who is that you have brought to our home?” boomed the voice of Chief God. “I am Wolf,” replied Wolf while stepping in front of the Moon Goddess. “I have come to ask for the hand of the Moon Goddess in marriage.” Said Wolf determinedly. Chief God gave the Moon Goddess a sharp glare. He was enraged. “Moon Goddess,” he said dangerously quiet “You have promised me that you would marry my son the God of Wind.” He said curtly. Moon Goddess was stunned. “I do not remember that promise!” she yelled. “SILENCE!” Chief God’s yell echoed across the sky. “You promised me that you would marry my son! As punishment you shall never be allowed to see or speak to this creature again!” exclaimed Chief God while snapping his fingers. “NO!” cried out the Moon Goddess and Wolf. As the 2 guards dragged the Moon Goddess away “Wolf! Remember me! I am giving you one wish before I go!” she shouted as she quickly broke free to give him one last embrace. “I wish that I can sing a song for you every night and that I will still be able to see you in the night sky shining brightly.” Said Wolf with his eyes closed.

The next night when Wolf was ready for his slumber he looked up into the night sky. He saw a white shining object shimmering in the sky. He felt something in the back of his throat and a cry came out. Wolf was astounded as a small smile went onto his face. He then continued singing his song to the moon.